studies

BEING HUMAN MEANS A SIMPLE LIFE WITH GOOD FAITH AND ACTION

On top of that, studies have shown that faked

positivity is every bit as stressful and

dangerous for your body, particularly your

cardiovascular system, as anger. So stop!

Unless you can do something out of a true

desire to do it, with a heart full of love, don’t

do it.

This may mean you have to take a break

from some of your usual activities for awhile,

maybe even avoid some people or situations

altogether. It’s that important—do it.

Meanwhile, take some time to figure out how

you got into those situations in the first place.

Often, when people give resentfully or with the

expectation of something in return, it’s

because they don’t like themselves and don’t

feel worthy of love. If you think nobody will like

you for yourself, maybe they would like you if

you did nice things for them. Maybe they’d

even start to depend on you, and then they’d

have to like you because they needed you.

If you recognize this in yourself, face the truth:

you can’t buy people’s love that way. But you

don’t need to. You are worthy of love just for

being you. Look for the good in yourself and

nurture yourself. That is the source of

strength; once you get to that point, you will

have love in your heart to overflow in gifts to

other people.

Another way to check whether your gift is a

true gift is to examine your motives. Before

you give the gift, consider what you’re

expecting to happen as a result. If you will be

hurt or angry if the other person doesn’t send

a thank you note or gush about your gift, it’s

not a true gift, it’s an obligation. True gifts are

satisfying and complete unto themselves. That

doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be polite and

courteous of the other person to acknowledge

your gift with gratitude—it certainly would. But

you can’t control what someone else does, you

can only control what you do. If you expect

something in return, again, it’s not a gift. In

this case, it’s more of a request, so why not

just be direct and ask for attention? See if the

other person would like to get together for

coffee or talk. You may find that afterward, you

feel so good, you can truly give the gift out of

love; in that case, feel free to do it!